It's Freezing, Can I wear Your Coat?

The first sign of snow and the roads, buses, trains, airports all grind to a halt. It's funny how we can predict the weather quite accurately up to about a month in advanced, but we can't do a damn thing about it before or even once it arrives.

It makes me laugh how you see cars driving down the roads with 2 feet of snow on the roof. I like to think of myself as quite a cautious driver and try to stay well clear of the idiots out there when the frost and ice start to fall.

I make sure I keep some warm weather gear in the car, as well as a thermos flask of hot soup just in case i do break down or am unable to complete my journey for whatever reason. I like to think that I am quite sensible when it comes down to keeping warm and keeping hypothermia at bay.

I believe this rule of staying warm should be maintained throughout. Especially when I am working. Standing on a door in the snow/rain/sleet or wind is not a healthy option. Of course, I like you would probably rather be inside nice and warm, sat next to an open fire watching the soap box, but the cozy fire ans television wont pay the bills now will they?

I make sure I stay warm. I wear my thermal bottoms and vest, thermal socks, a t-shirt, my regular trousers, my shirt and a warm fleece, over that i will wear my woollen crombie and on the coldest of nights, i also wear my neck warmer a balaclava and a fleece hat to keep the warmth from escaping my ever so smoothly shaved head and a pair of leather fleece lined gloves so my fingers stay toasty.

OK, so i might look like a bank robber with just my eyes and nose showing, but I can tell you now i stay warm when I'm stood outside for hours at a time.

For those hardcore party-goers who are out week in week out, and come out in just a t-shirt and jeans or skimpy dress and high heals and complain about how cold they are. Well, all I have to say is did you actually open your eyes to look out your window before you left the comfort of your warm house??? Its snowing! Of course it's going to be cold!

Can you borrow my coat or hat because you are cold? Er... let me think for a second. Er. No. What am i Marks and Spencer? No I'm sorry I don't have anything smaller or in another colour.
And lets face it, if i give you my coat, what am i gonna wear while you're keeping warm. Hypothermia just doesn't suit me.

TIP: Next time, wear a coat you numpty.

To all the brothers and sisters who work the doors, stay warm and be safe.

The glass is never half full

Nearly a decade working on the Door and I still have all my good looks.
Depending on how you view me, that may or may not be a good thing! That is the thing about opinions, they change varying on a persons' perspective. While one person may believe the glass is half empty, another will believe the glass is half full.

I believe I am from the former category, but then a decade in this line of work will certainly have that effect on you. Ask any veteran Doorman and they'll probably tell you the same thing. The glass is half empty and please take it back inside.

One thing that a Doorman, or even anyone working in the entertainment industry will have, is one story or another. I know some people who have been working on the door for so long, they have experienced everything this job has thrown at them and they can sit around the table at the end of the night and laugh and joke about the various situations that they have been in.

Anyone who is a Doorman will be able to relate especially if they have been working for some years.
But again, even with the jokes and stories about various battles, or problems with customers, funny anecdotes about particular events, they are, and always will be, from an opinion of one person with that persons' perspective. I don't often take the time to think about the other persons' thoughts or feelings during a confrontation, usually I am concentrating on the worst case scenario and using my skills and experience to stay alive and go home at the end of the night.

Perhaps this quality in me is not one that I should be wholeheartedly proud of. Would I be a better person if I were to listen to every single man,woman and child who wants to vent some steam or complain about every little thing? Would I necessarily be better at my job? I do not believe I would be. Granted I would be more understanding in the eyes of the person I am listening to and perhaps this in itself could be a safeguard against any future problems which may arise from a similar situation. After all, prevention is better than a cure.

This would be great in an ideal world but this is not an ideal world, and when I am working I simply do not have the time to listen to every bleeding heart, whining, down-on-their-luck idiot who believes that just because I stand out in the cold all night and occasionally walk inside to warm up my hands, that I have nothing better to do than be an Agony Uncle/Marriage Councillor/Baby Sitter/Lost and Found/Performing Monkey or any other particular job which doesn't have DOORMAN as the title.

No I will not listen to why your girlfriend dumped you and no I do not fancy trying to cure your husband's drinking problem nor do I have a clue where your friends are, or even who they are in fact. Your keys/purse/wallet/phone etc is your responsibility. You snooze, you lose. No i will not dance just because you asked me to and if you tell me to cheer up one more time or touch my face to make me smile you will be told in no uncertain terms to jog on because you are not the first person to ever say these things.

Maybe the reason most Doormen look so moody is because they have the dregs of modern society to deal with in various states of inebriation. Perhaps I am tired from working two jobs to make ends meet. Perhaps the last person I ejected kindly repaid me by throwing up down my jacket and I know for love nor money I will smell their vomit for years to come. Or perhaps I am just a moody, grumpy arsehole by nature.

Perhaps I'm none of these. You see this is just my opinion, and from my perspective, it's the only one that counts.

Questions

At work there are a set of rules, while not neccersarily wrote down, they are black and white and abiding by them is all that stands between you enjoying your night out and going home safely and me pulling you to one side and reading you the riot act.

Life in general, is much more complicated. In life it's not just a set of black and white rules, 'you do one thing, results in another'. Let me give you an example; Whilst I am at work, if you feel the need to do recreational drugs and get caught doing so, I will ask you to leave. If you refuse to walk out, I will walk you out. If then you refuse to be walked out, I will, therfore, use such force as is necessary to ensure you leave the venue.
But the result is the same, you will be ejected. This is very simple.

To me it doesn't matter if you walk out calmly or I drag you out unconscious. This is my chosen job, and I am fully prepared to accept the consequences of my actions. It's my bar, my door, my rules. A set of rules I work by. Anyone who knows me, and has either worked with me or has come into my venue will know that I don't break my rules. For having these rules I have been able to go home to my bed after each shift for nearly a decade.

However life isn't so clear cut. There isn't any rules to abide by, no line to limit crossing or even any black and white to know where you are. What there is however, are variable shades of grey which must be managed in such a manor which is deamed appropriate to todays' standard of society but no clear rules. Obviously there is the law which is set out very black and white. But what I am talking about is personal life. Something which isn't so clear cut.

If I am emotionally hurt in my personal life, I cannot ask someone to leave to venue. I cannot drag them out of my life unconscious. This will not take away the pain that is already there. I have to manage this pain in a way which will allow me to learn from the experience. This isn't always easy to do.

I often wonder why I ever became a Doorman. Apart from the money, the glamour, the respect it brings, the admiration and the women, it often leaves me with a real feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach because after the shift has finished and everyone has gone and the venue is quiet. When I'm driving home alone to a cold and empty bed I know deep down that the Doorman you see, with all his charm, his flirting and all his confidence is all a deceptive façade of what is truly hidden underneath the long black coat, shaven head and cold eyes - A very lonely and scared small boy, who wants nothing more to be held and told that everything is going to be alright.

Perhaps it is just me who cannot manage his personal life. I see my friends and family around me and everyone seems so content. Is it my purpose in life to ever be truly happy with what I have? If you are a religious person, is striving for more than you were given by your creator, a sin? Do the sins of the past forever come back to play a part in your future like some karmic retribution?

My sins are many and great. My remorse for some are also great. Would I still be here, nearly a decade on the job if I wasn't prepared to push the boundaries? I think not. I've done what I've had to do to survive. If you do not believe me, try it for yourself. Am I sorry that my job has molded me into what you see today? No, I am not. But sometimes, just sometimes when I am at my weakest, when I feel most afraid, when I am most alone I wish I could go into the past and change certain things about me. Perhaps even if only temporarily.

It's a lonely job deep down when you think about it. At the last hurdle, who has your back? Who is really there for you when everything around you is turning for the worst?
Only you.

Am I happy? No.
Will I ever find true happiness during my lifetime? Have I had my chance and wasted it? Did I even miss my chance due to not looking in the right direction or by some other misfortune?

One thing is certain, if no other karmic law, religion or belief is, right now I am unhappy with my life and I want it to change.

Be safe.

Honey Nut Credit Crunch

Being a part time Doorman has its own advantages. I get to sleep in late most days, I can keep up with my strength training, I don't have a boss to answer to and I don't have to stress about 'getting that report in on time' or other such meaningless job activities.

But at the same time it also has one big disadvantage. A real lack of financial stability. If I don't work the hours, I don't get paid. Simple really.

I really do not need to tell you that having a full time job would provide the much needed financial support that I have been missing out on for so long. I could save more and by doing so set up a future for myself.

It would be nice to book a holiday when I felt like doing so, or perhaps buy a new car which would be very nice. In this nationwide financial period of instability and change it is no wonder why even the biggest and most powerful companies are falling to their knees. How can one man with a part time job keep afloat when everything around him is sinking?

Perhaps I could restructure my resumé and get some honest feedback from the companies which over shadow the industry. Perhaps to give me some much needed insight into my career path which has become clouded of late.
Questions that I need to answer: Have I lost my way? And can I find my way back at this late stage of the game.

Back to the job hunt. Tallyho!

God's Gift

I saw something so funny on friday night I almost stopped breathing from laughing so hard. I felt bad for a breif moment because "God's Gift" was probably quite lucky to survive, but that soon past and I was back to being doubled over, cracking my ribs with hysterics.

This bloke, "God's Gift", was walking roung the venue with an attitude bigger than life itself; His skinny chest was puffed out so far it must of been hurting his back, his 12 carat gold Elizabeth Duke necklace lay homage to his scrawny neck which was no thicker than a skinny childs leg and his baggy jeans tried to take the attention away from what was obviously a sore spot for him, his shaven bright ginger hair. You know the type. This guy was a complete tosser.

I do try to be indifferent when it comes to the patrons inside my venue, I don't like stereotyping at the best of times but some people are fucking hard work and you do see similar character traits which put people in to certain catagories. "God's Gift" was a tosser.

After having speaking with him on the front door about his attitude and giving him fair warning and a chance to redeem himself in the eyes of us Doormen for drinking 10 pints of "wifebeater" and playing silly bollocks on the middle floor of my ever so decrepid venue I let him back in with just enough rope to hang himself in due course.

I try to be fair but firm in my apporach to working the doors. I'll give you an inch, but if you take a mile, I'll take 2 miles back just to prove a point to you and anyone else watching that I'm not here just to look pretty. Although I do a brilliant job of looking pretty, even if I do say so myself!

Anyway, "God's Gift" was shouting something about him being able to knock out all these "Bouncers" and I could hear him from the front door so I looked up the stairs to see why he'd grown a pair of bollocks and then what happened was the funniest thing I've seen this year so far.

"God's Gift" took one wobbly step and stumbled to the right of the metal edged staircase holding his fresh pint of "wifebeater" in his sweaty hand as he ricocheted off the wall he quickly stumbled into the left wall and fell .
He missed about the first 8 steps and crashed on the middle platform on his arse backwards then in the same movement launched himself into a swan-like barrel roll no longer holding his pint glass.
As he ungraciously flew towards the front doors covered in beer he stopped dead as he hit the door which was bolted in place. as his limp body hit the floor his plastic glass followed suit and landed on his head with a little 'donk'

Laying there asleep on my front door is never a good place to try and get 40 winks, especially when you've taken the fastest and funniest route down the stairs.
I can't even breathe I'm laughing so hard! His mates are running down the stairs to his rescue and I'm in hysterics.
They wake him, pick him up and carry him off down the street. Hopefully this little bit of karma will have humbled him slightly.

Couldn't of happened to a nicer bloke.

Intro

For what it's worth to the few people who may actually bother to read this my name is Cosmo and I'm a doorman.
I like my job, it's certainly not the best paid job in the world, but then again it's not the worst and it does have its perks.
I'm not a gangsta, a bully, or a steroid freak. I'm just a man. I could be any man you meet off the street. I'm a husband, a son, a father, a brother, a friend or any combinaton of these or something different entirely.

But what I am not, is a pushover.